The Last Sip

The Last Sip

She sat in the Starbucks Café, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf. ..

‘CUT’, the Director shouted as he also with a grin signaled the spot boys to pack up. He was gratified atlast. Shalini was relieved too. After five retakes the shot was finalized. This was her first big break in so called soap opera and the last scene of a three year long Bengali serial called ‘Bhorer Alo’, was finally and yes finally over. She played the vamp here, but doesn't matter, atleast now her work got noticed in the industry and she is getting good offers too. She desperately wanted to play heroine someday. Director, Pradhan, showed special sympathies for her, and offered her to drop home several times but she subtly turned down such advances.

Mrs. Shalini Mishra. She is known just as Shalini. It is difficult to get any roles for a newcomer with a married tag. Not to mention about kids too! She takes a cab from Tollygunj. She intends to go directly to Bhawanipore, where in her small two room flat, Rishi and Muni are waiting patiently for their mother to return. When she gets late, she asks Molina di, the nanny to stay put for the night. But today she will get home early. Yet something bothers her, she gets jittery and anxious. ‘Hello Molina di! What are the kids doing? Have they finished their home work?

‘Ha did, you will return early today? I told them so’

‘ I will get a little late, but definitely I will fetch them some toys. Just for today, stay a bit more. And yes, donot open the door to any one. You remember…?’

‘Okay didi….’

‘Do not open the door to anyone till I come .’…Shalini ‘s voice trembled as she spoke these words. Already the cab was speeding the Hazra crossing when Shalini asked the driver to take a detour to Chetla. ‘ Didi, you asked Bhawanipore..but now you  want to go to Chetla, you have to give hundred rupees extra.’…the driver looked at her through the looking glass.

‘Okay… ‘ she said. Its better not to annoy a taxi driver in Kolkata. Shalini retouched her make up somehow in the moving cab. Her fair skin, hazel eyes and slender body was quite captivating.  She could command any male’s attention . Just twenty six and already a mother of two kids, aged six and four, yet she looked a girl freshly out of college.

She got down at  Chetala. And today she did not mind paying the extra hundred rupees to the driver, too. She entered the by lane from the Rakhi Sangha club. She walked faster and knocked the shabby green gate of 12 B Ramakanta Dhar Lane.  She started to perspire even in the early December evening.

‘Who is there?’, an elderly woman,  in her mid sixties came out.

‘ I am looking for Rajat… ah..actually we work in the same office, and I happen to pass by this way..so I thought…’, Shalini fumbled as she said.

‘No. He is not here now…’, the woman said sternly and vanished inside the house.

Shalini stood there for a few minutes. Rajat never told that his mother would come. For the past few days he was avoiding her calls. But this was not unnatural as after a fight this ritual of avoiding calls go on for a couple of weeks. But somehow she has started losing confidence in her relationship. Rajat and Shalini were a couple from school days. They were both students  of Striding High School. Things changed after their final exam.

Shalini went to spend her holidays at Siliguri with her Uncle and Aunt. Shalini’s aunt was just five years elder to her. She was just in his mid twenties then. He introduced a friend to Shalini, a wealthy business man named Samar. Samar Mishra had his chain of garment shops set up in Nepal. He was swanky, handsome though on the healthier side yet Shalini was drawn towards him. The new Hummer was one of its kind in the small Siliguri town. Shalini became intimate with Samar and their romance continued for next two years. Shalini got married at the tender age of eighteen and then the fairy tale romance started fading away.  The property of the Mishras’ was divided amongst Samar’s five brothers after their father’s death on the same year. Samar, started gambling, got involved in brawls and atimes returned home drunk and injured. Shalini with two children felt cheated. Women became a part of Samar’s life and Shalini’s endless miseries too. She left his place with just her own jewelry and the two kids.  After briefly staying with her parents in Dhakuria , she moved to her own abode in Bhawanipore, away from the shadow of Samar. Samar had started invading her parents place in Dhakuria and demanding money.

After couple of years she again met Rajat at a  Jatin Das Park metro station. He was working for a News Channel. She was elated to see him and some where the pangs of gilt also pained her. Rajat , sympathized , after hearing her plight. He was hurt though. She knew it.

Later, phone calls increased between them. They met regularly. Rajat was an ambitious scribe and looked promising. He seemed to have taken a liking for the kids. The difficult jig saw puzzle of life was gradually finding a solution for Shalini. Rajat believed in her dream that she would make it to the highest echelon in the film industry, the most popular heroine. They planned to get married shortly.

Unexpectedly life took a different turn.

 A month before Samar found her address. He stalked her and started blackmailing for money or he would ask for the custody of the kids. Shalini, gave him money in installments. He hungered for more. He followed her to the studios and introduced himself as her husband quite authoritatively.  

Sounds of thundering jolted Shalini back to reality. May be the untimely December shower again! She walked towards the main road. Thoughts of Samar puzzled Shalini and she raced back home. While on the stairs she heard a scuffle.

She was aghast to see a dunked Samar trying to enter the house. Kids were screaming from inside and Molona di, was injured in the eye. Seeing Shalini, he raised his voice more and abused her. She writhed with anger.

‘Samar stop ..stop I said…or..’

‘Do hell with u…where is the money..ha?’….he shouted and the kids shrieked with fear. He tried to go inside the house…just then..as Shalini grabbed her bag she found the knife which was used in her last shot accidentally remained with her. Without dithering for a moment she clutched the knife and stabbed Samar several times. Gradually he lay still. She cried in pain, in fear or may be in guilt. But then, she exactly knew what to do. She took Molina di into confidence, closed the door ensuring that the kids donot witness such an act. They dragged Samar’s lifeless body into the corner of the balcony. It was raining heavily and probably no one heard him. It was pitch dark too. The kids were quiet and huddled in their room. ‘Molina di, I think my worries are over,’. ..she cried again but with firm resolve got a luggage bag and dumped Samar’s body inside. Molinadi, still trembling with fear repeatedly looked outside. Shalini assured Molina di, dragged the luggage bag and walked away.

She took a cab to Howrah. The driver charged extra as it was raining. Shalini became fearless. She knew the worst was over. She can live a peaceful life, with kids and Rajat. The thought of Rajat brought a relief in her.

She bought the ticket of the last Bandel Local. Shalini boarded the train with the luggage. It was the last train so very few passengers were there. A couple of them noticed the huge luggage or may be noticed her face as she was gradually becoming popular. But whatever be, she chose to ignore. She just wanted to get relieve of this luggage or rather her… so called husband. After a few stations, she was the only one left in the compartment. She got down at Baidyabati station leaving the luggage behind. The train chugged out of the station and so her worries. Atleast she thought so.

The strength and courage which covered her for the past three hours or so, seemed to fade away. She called Rajat. ‘Will he avoid my call again!’ she thought.

‘Hello Lini..’

Hearing his voice she broke down. He affectionately called her Lini. She narrated every detail. Tears welled up in her eyes.

Rajat heard everything with unusual calmness. Asked her to remain poise and promised her to meet at the Park Street Starbucks next day at 11 am. When she kept the phone, she was much relieved. She huddled in a corner of a station, covering her face slightly with dupatta. Few beggars and street dogs only gave her company. She boarded the first train in the morning.

As she entered the house the kids were sleeping. She kissed their forehead and slept there for couple of hours. Molina di woke her up.

‘I wont work any more, I am afraid. I want to go back to Canning..in my village…’

‘Nothing will happen now..I will double your pay…’..

‘But didi…what if police…’

‘Shhhh Rishi and Muni are sleeping..you will wake them up with your unnecessary worries..’

Molina di walked away towards the kitchen.

After sometime Shalini walked out of the house. Dressed in a pretty pink top and denim, she looked ravishing. The soft sun of the winter morning made her look radiant. She took a cab to the Outram Ghat. Strolled along the ghat for an hour. She was perhaps preparing for the new dawn in her life. At 10:30 am she took a cab to Park Street. She was waiting for Rajat eagerly. The watch paced ahead to 12 pm and Rajat was not picking up calls. Shalini was getting edgy as Rajat had been always very punctual. Her mind probed through a lot of possibilities, including his mother falling ill to his boss not permitting half day’s leave.

Her phone rang. She was overjoyed to see Rajat’s name flashed on the screen. ‘ohhh where are you… I am waiting for..’ Shalini was interrupted.

‘Listen,’ said Rajat. ‘Just wait and surrender. Do not try to flee. Police has surrounded the Café. They have recovered Samar’s body too. I will reach the Café in another five minutes…’

Shalini lay still. With bated breath she only thought about her children. An ambitious and upcoming journalist like Rajat, could not let go this opportunity of creating a ‘sansani..’.. Shalini couldn’t fathom why she did not get an inkling about Rajat’s next move…Why? Is there nothing in this life called Trust? Questions wrecked her heart.

Heavy footsteps followed inside the Café.  Still she sat in the Starbucks Café, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf.

She failed to become a heroine. She remained a vamp in reel and real-life too.

 

Sketch : Pensive Princess

 

                                                        Pensive Princess

The Tale of Smita and Swapan. My parents.

 The tale of Smita and Swapan. My parents.

A common love story which blossomed in the streets of Calcutta in early 70's with a unique and uncommon ending. All because...someone didnt want her Love and Faith to fail. It took undaunted courage and unwavering commitment to fulfill this Love.

Happy Anniversary to the eternal love birds. They have been celebrating "Togethernes" in Heaven for more than a decade now. A marriage hardly matures in eight years. It's too short a period. But me and my lil brother happened and that kept my mother going.

Their love bloomed during the tumultous Naxal Movement. A firebrand, charismatic, impulsive and very handsome young man found solace in a sensitive, dutiful, profound and passionate girl.

The 70's was the era of frugality. Turbulence brew which was followed by a tectonic shift in politics in Bengal. People were caught in quandary. It touched the young lovers too.

Swapan and Smita met quite often at the Coffee House in College Street. Paying for two cups of coffee was way too much so they shared a cup. Those hours were magical. The commotion of the Coffee House ebbed away as they remained engrossed in each other. She was the answer to his inner chaos and confusion.

Their relationship was wrought with impediments and complexity. All the drama around them eclipsed their love or so it seemed. Many a times they decided to trod different ways. But their paths crossed mysteriously and life converged at a point. They surmounted all hindrances and tied the nuptial knot on 17th April 1974.

But the Almighty has a puckish sense of humor and therefore a raging storm destroyed the newly settled nest...

With a six year old girl and a six month old boy, the young woman shouldered the responsibility of her in laws too who lost their only son. She juggled all the duties with equal elan and grace. Behind her quiet demeanor and composure lied grit and determination. After all, she had a promise to keep. She could not let her Love and Faith to fail.

Well some love stories have a different ending and this is one of them.

Boromamima

Boromamima

It took me a year, to gather myself and write about a very dear friend - my Boromamima (my aunt, maternal uncle’s wife). How over the years affection metamorphosed into a blooming friendship and her sudden demise left a deep crevasse that I can never overcome. Phone calls stretched from minutes to hours and encompassed all sorts of topics under the sun. A retd IAS officer, her humble demeanour made her loved by many. For the past two decades, I have been crisscrossing the country and she paid me a visit where ever I went. I would rattle out about various stuff on phone, she exactly knew where to advise, at which point to intervene, and exactly when to give a patient hearing. When chips were down I would cling onto her, she was my buttress against despair, my anchor.

Never forgot to wish on birthdays , anniversaries, or during important events. Both my mama and maamima would courier new dresses before the commencement of Durga Puja. And after my mother’s death, it was a ritual for her. My maamima would fret more over the size and mama over colour, especially buying clothing for my teenage daughter. I had to talk to the floor manager of Pantaloons over phone to assuage their worries. She was always amused by the antics and quirky ideas of my son. If I ever happen to get busy and not call her for a while, an anxious message would pop up, “kiire shob thik ache toh re?” (Is everything fine?)

Then there would be this predictable question around September, for which I would forever wait - “Ebar Durga Pujoye ashbi?” (Will you come during this Durga Puja?).

For the past few years, she became my pillar as I was hers. Maamima was always candid yet balanced with her suggestions and perspective. She came as part of our family in 1985 and grew more treasured as years went by. It was her first death anniversary yesterday, coinciding with the auspicious Mahalaya Tithi. As the festive mood and celebration fill up the air, for me, it’s one less reason to come to my very own city of joy. I lost a very dear friend. A year gone by, and I realized I needed her more than she did.

Festivals - A way to celebrate life

 

Festivals - A way to celebrate life

 The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate – Ophra Winfrey.

Festivals are a cheerful way to celebrate life. They break the monotony of every day subsistence and like a sweet nectar, rejuvenates the whole existence around us. They delineate the heritage of our country to the next generation. Festivals are also a reminder that you can coexist with others and be happy simultaneously. Claiming that you have inherited a rich culture is not enough if you fail to adjust with your neighbours or bond with your family. Festivals are a great opportunity to forget, forgive, come together and celebrate the moment. Festivals also symbolizes that work is worship.  Whether ploughing, sowing or harvesting –physical work along with the changing seasons and nature are celebrated and honored equally.

I feel instead of ensuring material comfort and building assets for our children, we must invest in building relationships. And festivals are a wonderful passageway to that as they bind the entire humankind with joyous thread of happiness and exuberance. It is equally important to decipher the meaning of each festival, relating it to history and molding it with the modern era so the current generation can interpret it better.  Wherever life takes them , our culture and tradition is an invisible umbilical chord which will connect them to their roots. It’s a bridge between the past and the present.

Youth and Freedom

 Youth and Freedom

‘Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.’ Abraham Lincoln.

Lincoln’s words aptly reflect the equilibrium that needs to be maintained between freedom and responsibility. Youth symbolizes great force, adrenaline rush, fearlessness, passion and innocence. Youth is such a juncture in life that some might become unrestrained. They must understand that Freedom does not mean license but wisdom to fathom that your own freedom should not conflict with others. This means that we donot tow the line of anarchy and some order is maintained and restored in the world.

The notion of Freedom to youth is also relative and also evolved with mankind. Early humans, specially the strong and young, used to butcher and scavenge meat for living –that was their freedom. During pre independence era in India, freedom meant, freedom from the colonial rule. Many young lives were snuffed out as the oppressor silenced them with death or deportation, but not before they could ignite the dream of free India amongst others. What would you call them or their actions? Reckless, brazen, injudicious? They took the responsibility to free India on their young shoulders.

 

In this era of ‘instant’ espresso coffee, ‘instant’ weight loss programmes and house loans available at the bat of an eyelid, most youth today look for ‘instant’ remedies, ‘quick’ changes and ‘fast’ improvements. But there are no quick fixes for long term benefits in a large and diverse country like India. And instant fixes, as history of mankind witnessed is ephemeral. Therefore when sometimes the ‘freedom’ is curbed in certain parts of the country momentarily for greater good of the nation, the youth must stand united and not create a furor over Fundamental Rights. Before asking about the Fundamental Rights and before casting vote, please read and value the Fundamental Duties of the Citizens of India incorporated in the part IV-A of our Constitution. The idea behind the incorporation of the Fundamental Duties was to emphasize the obligation of the citizen in exchange of the comprehensive Fundamental Rights enjoyed by them. In a way to create a responsible citizen.

 

Responsibility also breaks down in two key words. Respond and ability. Ability to respond but to what? Well, there goes the universal truth. Without responsibility freedom can never be acquired. Today’s youth  must understand that Freedom does not mean buying high end gadgets or speak and act impetuously or hyperventilating your own cause at the cost of others Freedom of thought, expression and belief. Having said so, I would like to accentuate that a sizable portion of the youth also understand and fulfill their responsibility towards their families and country and the larger humanity as such.

But for the rest, Freedom does not mean you are free to tease, stalk or physically abuse a girl. You cannot violate anyone’s freedom.

Freedom does not mean you are free to debase and humiliate any religion, criticize food habits, dishonor or discriminate anyone’s social status based on any yardstick. Different beliefs and perceptions coexist and they are justified in their own way.

 

 “Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better” - Albert Camus

 

Wisdom to choose the right path is what makes you free.

Freedom does not mean disseminating rumour and hate messages with your finger tip. The nation has also given you the right to vote and be a part of democracy with the same finger tip. So use it judiciously. Use it for nation building and do not be a cause for disintegrating the society. Polarization and conflict creates chasm; initiate debate and discussion, it is enriching, it broadens horizons, gives an insight to contemporary situations and also promises solutions.   

 

 “Those who are ready to sacrifice freedom for security will ultimately lose both.” Abraham Lincoln.

 

While one young man attains martyrdom safeguarding his motherland another cannot be caught in act of immorality, defaming his country or committing a heinous crime or even lackadaisically spending time by just taking the Freedom for granted.  

 

“Freedom of mind is the real freedom. 
A person whose mind is not free though he may not be in chains, is a slave, not a free man. 
One whose mind is not free, though he may not be in prison, is a prisoner and not a free man. 
One whose mind is not free though alive, is no better than dead. 
Freedom of mind is the proof of one's existence.” Dr. B.R Ambedkar

 

Youth is a great force and with guidance, they can accomplish the most formidable and exigent task under the sun.  They are the most dynamic segment of population of any country. India is one of the youngest nations in the world, with more than 62% of its population in the working age group. Youth also defines progress, youth resonates hope, awareness, fresh ideas and resounding courage. They must break free of all shackles of medieval thought process, superstitions, self-doubts and stride ahead--with Dignity and shoulder Responsibility, value Freedom and work together to upkeep it for a beautiful Tomorrow. 

Body Shaming

 

Let me start by asking you this, “What do you think of yourself?”

The problem is not your body; the problem is what you think of it. Your weight, complexion, height, attire all these can never define your worth. Feeling beautiful has nothing to do what you look like in the eyes of others.

So let me repeat the question again now….”What do you think of yourself?” We are our own worst critic” is often a phrase we use to describe when we, as individuals, are too hard on ourselves. For most people, it is a natural tendency to always be better, faster and stronger however this craze for becoming better can result in severe mental health consequences, especially when it comes time to our physical appearances. And the media hype eulogizing size 0 and in tandem with the beauty industry has made the situation worst. When you step into a cosmetic shop, the first thing you hear is that your skin, hair and nails all need to be fixed. Your hair is frizzy, skin is chaffy and nails are pale, so you can be a improved version only if you buy the most exorbitant products in the line! And just like Holi and Diwali SALE offers very morning the phone is flooded with the messages from fitness centers. ..25% fat loss in 30 days, HURRY. And if you escape the messages you are sure not to escape the Gym leaflet featuring Deepika Padukone or Disha Patani and guaranteeing you to make a proto type of the actresses on their leaflets. Why will you give up BEING YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S OPINION?

Now this some one attimes can be the parents, siblings, friends, enemies, and schoolmates. Body shaming manifests in many ways:

·        Criticizing your own appearance, through a judgment or comparison to another person.

·         Criticizing another’s appearance in front of them

·         Criticizing another’s appearance without their knowledge.

 

Sadly, body shaming occurs among both men and women of all different shapes and body sizes. Body shaming has included both criticisms of being “too fat”, or “too skinny”, often picking on flaws that completely irrelevant. Many magazines, social media platforms, and advertisements contribute to body shaming in ways that have started to normalize these damaging behaviors. Many TV shows and movies have fallen into this pattern as well, where the “fat” character is often the subject of criticism and comic relief. We must understand that negatively commenting about the size or shape of anyone’s body can be extremely damaging to them potentially leading to low-self esteem, anger, self-harm and even mental health disorders, specifically body dysmorphic disorder.

If the Almighty wanted us to be the same then the all men would have looked alike Justin Beiber and all women would photocopy of Katie Perry and we all would have the same name, social and economic status, probably the share the same birth date, same food habit and hobbies. 

Close your eyes for a moment and feel it, will you give up your individuality?  Now again let me reiterate the question  ”What do you think of yourself?”

SO PLEDGE TO STOP BODY SHAMING  RIGHT NOW. STOP IT BY LOVING YOURSELF FIRST THE WAY YOU ARE AND YOU WILL LOVE OTHERS THE WAY THEY ARE TOO, BECAUSE YOU CANNOT POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP – SO LOVE YOURSELF. There are seven billion people in this universe and you cannot satisfy all. Neither should you endeavour to do that. Period.

According to Oprah Winfrey, ‘I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself and others.’ And for the ace Tennis star Serena Williams, ‘Since I don’t look like every other girl, it takes a while to be okay with that. To be different. But to be different is good.’ 

Today take a walk in a garden, or stroll in a lawn or wherever you are look at the greeneries around. Every flower is different from the other and they bloom in different time and season as well. The tiny lantana is not striving to look big like lotus. The purple petunia is not comparing itself with the white rose. The ice plants are happy in winters and the zinnias and the sunflowers bask in the glory of the summers. 

Should we spend the lifetime impressing others, pleasing the society and social media in striving to be who you are not or enjoy the life which you have? Fear what others think of you is the biggest prison you or we live in. Break the shackles, and celebrate yourself, your body, your look, your words, your thoughts…..Be YOU.

Who stole my dream?

   Who Stole My Dream?

Who stole my dream?
I don't care.

But who stole my force?
The force in me could create umpteen dreams,
myriad, sensuous, adventurous, powerful, simple
I need the shine,
It was all mine.

I don't need the fire of Prometheus,
I am not fighting the mighty Zeus

But I need my fire,
To rekindle my soul, to awaken my spirit.
To dance in the rain, to embrace the sunshine,
To smile at the twinkling stars at night.

I need my fire,
I need the glare,
I need my force
I need my source.

Where can I find?
Is it encased carefully in the castle of time?
Should I visit my girlhood?
Or go back to childhood?

The barren branch

 In the cold misty morning the barren branch amongst the blossoming trees looked

so dark, so grey, so rough , so hard, so unwelcoming and lifeless

Until a peacock flew and perched upon it.

By the time

By the time I reflected,

pondered about, worried for,

became cynical or criticized a bit, regretted an action and 

loved something deeply, immersed in tomorrow's thoughts and yesterday's expectations

A Scarlet Knight Plumeria bloomed. 

Which me I enjoy?

 

For the past few years, I have stayed in places which many would envy. Big sprawling houses with a lawn, might be twice the size of the house. I am still very much inclined to gardening, I know the names of various flowers, and this at times gives me an edge when I visit the plant nursery. They see me as a pro! I adore this life but when darkness descends, an occasional owl hoots, chirping of the crickets and katydids only stirs the mind other than the kids' screaming, and in such times the city girl in me tries to scrape out, tear apart the Mother India cover and run away and breathe in the chaos and noise of the traffic.  There are people who know me as a perfect homemaker, devoted mother, gardener, cook, and someone who can arrange for sumptuous dinner for guests at a resplendently laid-out table with translucent porcelains, pristine linens. and a tidy platter. Nothing is untrue, but do I weigh heavier with those tags and I should embrace a part of me who would live every day not by smelling roses but the smell of fresh bread and coffee or the stench of bus diesel or even enjoy the fog of unpleasant aroma created by industrial waste and dusty roads. Which me I enjoy? A slice of both (would be a perfect answer) or at times just coming out of the cocoon of perfection or perception?